AmazonToday is Valentine’s Day, of course. And, of course, like millions of other women from sea to shining sea, my wife has forbidden me from buying her anything. You know, because everything is so expensive.
Of course, being the world-class, pessimistic smart-ass that I’ve always been, since she issued her “give me nothing” decree I’ve spent the past couple days trying to read between the lines, if you will. As any man worth his salt will tell you, any time someone of the fairer sex tells us they don’t want or need anything, well, they pretty much want something. And this, friends, is where it gets really complicated, because now comes the job no man ever wants to undertake. Yep, now we get to play a little game called “Read my mind and buy me the single most perfect gift any man has ever given a woman”.
Like I said, I’m a little on the pessimistic side, so I’m leaning pretty heavily toward making a purchase for this festive day for my soul mate/best friend/dream-come-true.
But what do you get the woman who told you, in no uncertain terms, to get her nothing for Valentine’s Day? Would fine Swiss chocolate be on the forbidden list? How about a nice dinner out, is that against the wifely rules, too? I feel like I’m close to the end of my rope when it comes to ideas that might be permissible. “Don’t you get me anything for Valentine’s Day….I’m not kidding. Don’t get me anything, they just jack up the prices for Valentine’s Day”, she said. So I honestly have no idea what to do.
I do know one thing, however. I’m getting her something for Valentine’s Day. I’m not THAT stupid.